Mabel's Guide to Trolltunga

Mabel Kang
Sep 28, 2016
7 min read

I'm no expert on hiking, trekking or mountain climbing so this "guide" as I would loosely put it, is from the point of view of a totally inexperienced, non-outdoorsy person with no prior experience in any of the above said activities. If you are like me, I hope this post will be of use to you if you ever, for some reason, find yourself in Norway and decide to climb Trolltunga.

If you're not anything like me, by that I mean - outdoorsy, athletic, long-legged and could hike up this trail within 4 hours (yes, there really are people like that), please don't bother reading this guide from a lowly plebeian like me. :( You'd probably read this and laugh at how long I took to climb up - which I shall not disclose right now (read on to find out how long I took). All I can say is, you are da master.

Trolltunga (Troll's tongue) is basically a piece of rock jutting out of a mountain like a tongue, surrounded by the captivating and breathtaking view of the serene blue lake, cliffs, numerous waterfalls and the distant snow-capped mountains. It is absolutely gorgeous and it really took my breath away. 110% instagram-worthy.

I went into this prepared (kinda). I knew it was a 22 km hike, which takes an estimated time of 12-14 hours return trip (up and down, including breaks); I brought homemade lunch of salmon sandwiches (which were so yumz), some chocolate and granola bars for energy and a waterproof jacket for wet weather.

Except that I was missing 2 important things - hiking boots and gloves.

As an inexperienced hiker, it didn't really occur to me how the absence of these 2 things would affect everything. Sure, I knew that hiking boots would help but I was not going to spend at least a hundred dollars on a pair of chunky, ugly hiking boots that I would only wear once in my life cos I obviously wasn't gonna hike again anytime soon. As for gloves - I didn't really think it was that important or that cold so it didn't really concern me that I was without gloves.

And so, I hiked 22 km up steep mountains, walked across waterfalls and trudged through shin-deep mud in my Nike sport shoes.

It was so muddy and slippery, especially after the rain it took me double the time to get from one point to another because I was pretty much trying to find rocks to jump on. I think I have mudophobia*. When there were no rocks for me to jump on because everything was just a sea of mud, I had no choice but to step into the wet mud that makes a squelching sound whenever I step into it and creates a suctioning effect onto my shoes. Once I could lift my feet from the squelchy, suctioning mud, my shoes, socks and feet were encased in this layer of wet dark brown gunk. So I would say, hiking shoes are definitely recommended.

*Mudophobia: The fear of mud. And yes, I made it up.

YES IT WAS THIS MUDDY! This is what happens if you slip on the mud and then fall into the mud.

We started off our journey at about 4.30 am. It was dark and chilly and in our sleepy morning haze, all 4 of us somehow missed the sign pointing to the Trolltunga trail and we went in the opposite direction. After 15-20 minutes, we came across a dilapidated house that came right out of the horror movies and a barrier that prevented us from going further. We were puzzled that they would put a barrier right at the trail and it was clearly the only way up the mountain. After wandering about and waiting for other hikers to come (none did, of course), we finally realized that we were on the wrong track and headed back down to the carpark.

It was about 5.30 am and the sun was about to rise when we got to the correct starting point. 1 hour down but 0 out of 22 km accomplished.

The first 1 km was cray. It's not just me being unfit. Ask anyone who has ever climbed Trolltunga and they'll tell you the same. It was the longest, toughest and steepest 1 km in my life. The steps were so steep, I was panting after 10 steps. It didn't help that it was muddy and my shoes kept slipping and sliding. At the end of the first 1 km, the whites of my shoes weren't visible but were completely coated in mud.

I got a good Would You Rather...? question for you. Would you rather, on a 22 km hike, a) suffer from muddy shoes, socks and feet with a chance that the mud will permanently stain the whites of your (new) shoes and will never be white again or b) suffer from freezing cold, wet but clean shoes, socks and feet?

Having to choose between muddy shoes and dirty feet vs. clean shoes and cold feet, my answer was the latter.

Passing by waterfalls was common as we climbed up. And because I'm such a clean freak and refused to let mud stain my new shoes, I washed my shoes at every water body. But that was pretty stupid of me because the glacial waters were freezing cold. My shoes and socks then became completely drenched in cold water which made my hands and feet freezing cold and numb which made the 11 km ascent more miserable.

It gets slightly better after the first 1 km, because there weren't steep steep steps but it was still SHAG AF. It was literally mountain climbing. Like literally walking up the slope of the mountain.

Picture this but minus the use of the hands.

Okay, this would be a more accurate depiction. Imagine walking up like this for 3 more km.

As you can imagine, it was absolutely tiring and I had to take a break every 5 minutes because my calves and legs were burning, my ankles were hurting from stepping on the uneven rocks and I kept asking "Why am I doing this again?". It was also demoralizing as I stood there panting, lots of people surpassed me and looked like climbing the freaking mountain was a stroll in the park.

The view along the way was stunning though. From the climb up, there were gorgeous waterfalls along the way and the view of the mountains perfectly framed by the fog and the blue lake below. And we spent a little too much time taking photos. Hey, because it's not just about the destination, it's about the journey too right?

I felt like I was in Justin Bieber's "I'll Show You" music video (if you don't know what I'm talking about, go watch it and you'll know).

And speaking of waterfalls, a useful tip for future hikers of Trolltunga: Don't bother carrying too much water! Bring a bottle of water and you can top it up at the waterfalls if you need. The fresh glacial water is icy cold and refreshing, who needs Evian when you got this for free!

We had to experience wet weather halfway through and it was so miserable and cold. I was a frozen, drenched Mabel with puffy hands (it got so puffy you couldn't even see my knuckles) that hurt from the cold. My face was numb, my hands were getting frostbite (I think) and I couldn't even feel my feet anymore. So when we were left with 1 km out of the 11 km ascent, I was so excited!!! I forced my frozen, pained self to hike that last stretch.

After 8 painful and torturous hours of climbing up up up, we finally reached and it was F R E E Z I N G. I died. The post-rain wind was so cold and strong and my feet were already freezing from the waterfalls (I would highly advise not to keep dipping your entire feet into the waterfall to clean your shoes).

I brought an extra pair of socks to change to at the top but it got wet from the rain (do bring a waterproof bag) which defeated the purpose of the fresh, clean socks. So I was stuck with my muddy, wet, cold socks but sucked it up anyway.

But my whining aside, the view was WOW. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

If you're wondering why it seems like there is no one in the photos, it was actually really crowded at the top. People were sitting around, picnicking, enjoying lunch and the view.

Why it seems like there is nobody around was because people queued for their turn to take the sitting-on-the-troll-tongue photo in a very civilized manner. The queue starts right before the jutting rock, so you could have your photo taken with the rock and the view without anyone inside the picture!

After spending a hour or so at the top, I was soooo cold I couldn't really enjoy my lunch up there. We made our way down and it took foreverrr.

The descent would be faster than the ascent, they said.

Boy, they were so wrong. If you recall, I mentioned that it was raining when were were climbing up. So when we were making our way down, the rain made the ground we walked on no longer recognizable. At all.

What used to be green patches of grass that was safe to walk, was now a sea of mud. Literally. I'm not kidding.

It took 8 hours for us to make our way down, and it honestly felt way longer than 8 hours. The journey down was just as torturous as the journey up. There was so much more mud because of the rain.

Downward slopes

Slippery, wet, thick pools of mud

After climbing for nearly 10+ hours at this point

ACCIDENT PRONE.

The steep journey back down reallyyyyy hurt my knees and ankles. I also fell on my knees halfway down which hurt soooo bad, I couldn't properly climb the steps down without my knees protesting in pain.

From climbing up before sunrise to getting back after sunset, it was a long, tiring and arduous journey in which I did not emerge unscathed. After taking inventory of my injuries, I suffered from

1) Numb puffy hands from the cold; so numbingly painful that I couldn't close or open my fists

2) Bruises on my butt from falling on sharp rocks

3) Loose and slightly sprained ankles from stepping on uneven ground

4) Bruises on my knees from falling onto sharp rocks while slipping on mud

5) Paralyzed nerves in my knees which hurt my knees so much every time I took a step down

6) Muddy jeans, muddy butt, random mud splatters, muddy backpack, muddy shoes and muddy socks and muddy EVERYTHING. Muddy hell.

Safe to say, I was kinda traumatized.

And that my friends, was my painful 16 hours h̶i̶k̶e̶ mountain climbing to Trolltunga. The view was gorgeous, but... I would not do it again.